What do you think of when you think about school? Do you remember loving or hating school? Or maybe a mixture of both? For too many teenagers and young people though, the answer to that question will be anxiety.

You may notice your teenager’s becoming more and more worried about going to school. Of course, it’s normal to worry sometimes, especially about exams or starting a new school. But, it can be a problem if your teenager finds school and the thought of going to school distressing. It may be a sign they’re experiencing school anxiety.

For some teenagers the anxiety is so intense they’re not able to go into school. If they do manage to get through the school day, anxiety impacts their learning. Often, friendships, confidence and health suffer too.

School anxiety and parents

School anxiety may often start to interfere with day to day life. It can put a huge strain on the whole family. And it can leave you as parents feeling exhausted and stressed.

Parents often end up feeling upset and guilty as they see their teenager struggling with school and becoming more and more unhappy.

It can affect parents and carers in other ways too, especially if they have to take time off work. This stress, in turn, can make teenagers feel more worried and guilty.

Anxiety about school is increasing

School anxiety in teenagers is on the rise in the UK. A study in 2024 by the youth mental health charity stem4 found almost three in 10 secondary pupils are avoiding going to school because of anxiety. Across the UK, 28% of 12 to 18-year-olds have not attended school over the last year for that reason. Many stayed away from school becuause they felt unable to copei.

School staff also reported a rise in student anxiety, with 72% of secondary school staff seeing a substantial increase in anxiety among studentsii.

Teenagers feel anxious about school for many different reasons. It may be worrying about making friends or fitting in, or they may be being bullied. It could be they’re finding schoolwork or lessons confusing. They may feel under pressure to learn in a way that doesn’t suit them or struggle with relationships with teachers.

Teenagers with special educational needs are more likely to experience anxiety about school. They may have specific needs that aren’t being supported or struggle with the school environment.

Sometimes, anxiety around school may be because they’re going through difficult experiences outside of school either at home or within the family.

Signs and symptoms of school anxiety

Teenagers may not open up about their thoughts and feelings, especially with their parents.

Instead it can show up in their behaviour, such as

• anxiety, tears and anger about going to school
• trouble sleeping or getting to sleep
• not doing schoolwork, finding it hard to keep up and getting lower marks
• not going into school without telling you
• not wanting to get up and get ready for school
• saying they can’t go
• worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson
• feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches before school
• being angry or upset, or acting out at home or school
• withdrawing from friends and activities
• appearing low or depressed
• struggling to concentrate.

Its very distressing for parents to see their teenagers so anxious about school. Anxiety about school isn’t new, but for a number of reasons it’s on the increase.

Why is school anxiety rising?

Academic pressure and exams

The UK education system is very focused on exams and assessments. Students have regular testing. The system is shaped so that GCSEs and A-levels shaping young people’s futures. The pressure to achieve top grades is a major factor in stress and anxiety in teenagers.

Impact of the pandemic

COVID-19 disrupted routines, learning and social connections. Many teenagers have found going back into school difficult. The Children’s Commissioneriii reported a sharp rise in school absence and school refusal linked to anxiety since the pandemic.

Social media and peer pressure

Teenagers spend much of their social life online. They are constantly comparing themselves to edited versions of other peoples lives. Social media can create unrealistic expectations and intensify fears of being judged, excluded or bullied.

Bullying and friendship difficulties

Bullying can be devastating. It can turn happy teenagers into anxious, fearful and struggling ones. It can lead some teenagers to stop attending school altogether.

Even if they’re not being bullied themselves, they’ll still witness it happening to others. This increases the pressure to fit in socially. It ramps up their fear of being embarrassed or rejected. As a result, it can make school feel overwhelming and unsafe for many teenagers.

Wider uncertainty and stress

Teenagers are growing up in a world of change and uncertainty. They’re absorbing 24/7 newsfeeds full of information and concerns about climate change, economic instability and conflict. They may also have family stress. These all feed into a background of uncertainty, which can ramp up school worries.

Better awareness of mental health

Society in general is more open about mental health. Many young people now recognise and can name anxiety. Their parents too are also aware of the impact of anxiety. This is generally positive as families are more likely to seek help. As more people seek support it highlights issues that may have remained hidden.

Client story

Millie’s problem

My client Millie (not her real name) is a 16 year old who was struggling with anxiety around school. She had always found school stressful. She spent some time in hospital and at home recovering. When she was able to return to school again, she just couldn’t cope. By the time Millie came to see me she hadn’t been school for a whole day for several months. She had lost contact with her friends and worried a lot about social situations.

Millie had lost belief in her ability to make and keep friends. She was becoming increasingly anxious and couldn’t bear the thought of going into school. Millie was withdrawn and isolated from her peers and had lost all confidence in herself.

She felt critical about herself and compared herself to others negatively.

Millie’s results

Millie loves art and photography. We included her love of being creative into the therapy as we worked together. Millie wanted to be able to go to school, feel comfortable, stay and attend lessons. She also wanted to feel better about talking to others and to be able to make a friend.

We worked together to help Millie manage her anxiety and panic in social situations. She learnt how to cope with her anxious feelings. When she started to feel overwhelmed, she was able to use the coping skills we had worked on together.  In this way, Millie learnt she could cope and take action to help herself.

I supported Millie to conduct mini experiments. With each small step she took, she started to feel more confident. We practised what she could do in social situations. As a result, she became brave enough to speak to a girl she liked at school. They became friends and began to meet outside of school. As her confidence grew, Millie was able to spend more time at school.

In Millie’s mum’s words

Celia connected with and understood my daughter so well. Celia was so warm, welcoming and friendly that it immediately put my daughter at ease. She actually looked forward to her sessions. Celia has been so supportive. I’m so happy to see my daughter learn new ways to cope with her worries, regain her self confidence and move forward. Her confidence in being able to overcome what was making her anxious has grown so much. I am so amazed to see how far my daughter has come. She’s going to school and has friends and life at home is so much easier now. Thank you so much Celia

How to help your anxious teenager

If your teenager is struggling at school right now, it can be overwhelming  You may feel constantly stressed and exhausted by it, all.  And ever more so if you’re juggling it alongside work and other family commitments. For parents, it can bring up worries about the impact on their teenagers education or future. Many also worry how it affects them socially as well.  Things are probably feeling hard for your teenager too.

It’s distressing to see your teenager struggle with school anxiety. Here are some ways you can support them.

1. Give them space to talk

Teenagers often find it hard to talk about how they feel. You can help them to open up. It can help to allow your teenager time and space to talk where you simply listen to them.

As a parent, it’s tempting to try and come up with solutions. But teenagers need to feel understood.  Even more so when they’re having a difficult time.  Even though it can be hard, it’s more helpful if you can listen, acknowledge and validate their feelings. Statements you could use are

• “I can see this feels really hard right now.”
• “Tell me what feels most worrying about tomorrow.”
• “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Being listened to helps teenagers feel understood and accepted. This helps them to feel less isolated and ashamed about their feelings.

2. Let home be their calm place

Routine creates security. Regular sleep, balanced meals and predictable mornings all help regulate stress. Feeling calm when they’re at home can give teenagers a break from the anxiety they experience at school.

Mornings in a busy household with several children can be busy. It can help teenagers who are struggling with anxiety if school mornings are as calm as possible. This means trying to avoid last-minute rushing, shouting or arguments around going to school. All of these can end up making your teenager feel more anxious around school.

3. Break challenges into small steps

The thought of a full day at school may feel like too much for your teenager. You could work with them to break it down, for instance.

• Start by aiming for tutor group only.
• Progress to mornings before lunch.
• Build up to full days.

Breaking  situations into small steps can stop them from feeling so overwhelming for your teenager.

You can work with your teenager to start with the areas they find less challenging. For instance, some teenagers find the unstructured time the most difficult so it would unhelpful to start with this.  Instead, they may want to start with the lessons or school routine they find easier.  Gradually exposing your teenager to situations they find challenging and for them to experience being able to cope, helps your teenager to understand they can manage their anxiety.

This approach helps them to gently face their fears and build resilience.

4. Teach coping skills

You can help your teenager to develop a toolkit to help them to manage their anxious feelings, such as

• Hypnosis (Find out more here)
• Breathing techniques (Find out more here.)
• Grounding exercises (Find out more here.)
• Exercise – walking, running or sport to release tension. (Find out more here.)
• Bedtime wind-down routines – journalling, reading, listening to calming music. (Find out more here.)

With practice, your teenager will be able to call on their toolkit when they notice the first signs of anxiety.

5. Work with the school

UK schools are expected to support students with mental health needs. Speak to your teenager’s form tutor, head of year or pastoral lead. Reasonable adjustments could include:

• A safe space to retreat to if anxiety spikes.
• Access to a trusted adult in school.
• Flexible deadlines or phased return after absences.
• School counselling or mentoring support.

Do you need more support for your teenager?

If your teenager is struggling with school anxiety, you don’t have to face it alone. Many parents feel worried, frustrated or unsure about the best way to help – and that’s completely understandable.

As a psychotherapist and cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist, I specialise in supporting young people and families who are dealing with anxiety. Together, we can:

• Understand what’s driving your teenagers anxiety.
• Teach them practical coping strategies they can use in everyday life.
• Help rebuild their confidence so school feels more manageable.
• Support you as a parent to feel clearer and more confident in how you respond.

You don’t have to wait until things feel unmanageable. Reaching out early can make a real difference.

Would you like to make living life easier, right now? Get your free Live Life on Your Terms recording here and begin to live your life with confidence.

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